Wednesday, December 25, 2002

Twas the night before Christmas, and Amazon suck

Extracts from a seasonal correspondence with Amazon's bots.

NAME: Kevin Marks
COMMENTS: this hasn't arrived and is not showing up in tracking at
all. What happened to it?

ORDER DETAILS
***********************************************************
Shipping Details (order will arrive in 1 shipment)
***********************************************************
Shipping method: Two Day Shipping
Shipping estimate: December 21, 2002
Delivery estimate: December 24, 2002

----------
On Tuesday, December 24, 2002, at 04:07 PM, cust.service02@amazon.com
wrote:

Thank you for writing to us at Amazon.com.

We have cancelled your order (#002-6250770-4146435) because we were
unable to successfully charge your credit card for this order. You are
welcome to return to our web site and place a new order for the same
items using an alternate method of payment.

We appreciate your business and hope to see you again soon.


Happy Holidays,

Tim Winter
Amazon.com... And You're Done
http://www.amazon.com
==============================
Check your order and more: http://www.amazon.com/your-account


We would appreciate your feedback on our customer service. Follow
the link below if you would like to let us know how we are doing -
your input is invaluable!
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/cs-experience-survey/-/raty5047
--------------

Date: Wed Dec 25 01:37:38 PST 2002
Subject: Re: Your Amazon.com Order (#002-6250770-4146435)
To: cust.service02@amazon.com
From: kevinmarks@mac.com

Well, you have thoroughly fucked up my christmas by not bothering to
tell me this.

The last I heard from you was an email on the 21st saying the order
was coming on the 24th. My wife is now missing a very personal present.

Frankly, this is not the standard of service I expect from Amazon. I
have plenty of credit on both my credit card and my debit card, so I
can only assume you have charged an obsolete card in your records.

Tim Winter is a suspiciously fictitious name.

Amazon's customer service is your only real asset, as this account
makes clear.

http://www.nytimes.com/2002/12/19/business/19SCEN.html

You have violated my trust, and I don't expect to be buying from you
again.

Rest assured I will tell my friends.
---------------

On Wednesday, December 25, 2002, at 01:40 AM, orders-reply@amazon.com wrote:

Thank you for writing to us at Amazon.com.

Unfortunately, we are unable to determine exactly why your credit
card was declined. A charge can be declined for a variety of
reasons, some of which may not be related to the validity of the
credit card. For example, sometimes a technical error during
processing can cause a charge to decline. For this reason, we often
try processing the charge again at a later time.

However, you may want to contact your issuing bank to inquire about
their policies regarding electronic or internet purchases. Some
banks do place certain restrictions on such purchases, and this may
be the source of the problem.

Alternatively, if the card has been updated or revised in any way
recently, we will need to receive that new information so that we
can process this order successfully for you.

You may submit new or updated payment information for this order
by clicking the "Your Account" link at the top of our web site
and then clicking "Changing payment."

I am sorry not to have more specific information for you regarding
your credit card. We appreciate your business and hope to see you
again soon in our store. Thank you for shopping with Amazon.com.


Happy Holidays,

Sachin Verma
Amazon.com... And You're Done
http://www.amazon.com
==============================
Check your order and more: http://www.amazon.com/your-account


We would appreciate your feedback on our customer service. Follow
the link below if you would like to let us know how we are doing -
your input is invaluable!
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/cs-experience-survey/-/geuy4875

--------------
From: Kevin Marks
Date: Wed Dec 25, 2002 2:09:58 AM US/Pacific
To: orders-reply@amazon.com
Cc: Jeff Bezos
Subject: Re: Your Amazon.com Order

Be that as it may, not informing me promptly after it had been declined was unconscionably lax on your part. Silently dropping the order meant that I had to dash around the neighbourhood at 4.30pm on Christmas Eve to find an inferior substitute gift.

The whole point of using Amazon's expensive service is to get a service. If you drop my order on the floor and cannot explain why, and don't bother to tell me until after I complain because it is too late you negate the whole reason for your existence.

Next time I want some esoteric CDs for my wife to enjoy I'm off to eBay, where there is at least some sanction against fuck-witted response from vendors, instead of endless boilerplate exculpatory responses from people who fail the Turing test.

Rest assured I will be publishing this correspondence.

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