Banana self-defense

Sgt.: ....Bananas.  How to defend yourself

       against a man armed with a banana.  Now you, come at me with this

       banana.  Catch!  Now, it's quite simple to defend yourself against a man

       armed with a banana.  First of all you force him to drop the banana;

       then, second, you eat the banana, thus disarming him.  You have now

       rendered him 'elpless.

Palin: Suppose he's got a bunch.

Sgt.:  Shut up.

Idle:  Suppose he's got a pointed stick.

Sgt.:  Shut up. Right now you, Mr Apricot.

Chapman: 'Arrison.

Sgt.:  Sorry, Mr. 'Arrison.  Come at me with that banana.  Hold it like that,

       that's it.  Now attack me with it.  Come on!  Come on!  Come at me!

       Come at me then!  (Shoots him.)

Chapman: Aaagh! (dies.)

Sgt.:  Now, I eat the banana. (Does so.)

Palin: You shot him!

Jones: He's dead!

Idle:  He's completely dead!

Sgt.:  I have now eaten the banana.  The deceased, Mr Apricot, is now 'elpless.

Palin: You shot him. You shot him dead.

Sgt.:  Well, he was attacking me with a banana.

Jones: But you told him to.

Sgt.:  Look, I'm only doing me job.  I have to show you how to defend

       yourselves against fresh fruit

MORE FLYING CIRCUS HERE...