Just in time for the holidays

Inspired by the Despair Inc demotivators everyone has been linking, I made up a T-shirt based on a favorite phrase of my brother-in-law.

Do read the small print.

p.s.

don't tell anyone. we're back. ;-)

in hiding

Dear Mr's Rambone and Smackdown,

I have recently escaped from my own weblog and have been taken in by a very kind cult where most of the day we work over bubbling cauldrons of lambs wool (I was so happy to learn of your sheep fucking lineage!), which we die in more than 2440002 colors to knit festive sweaters. Most often we give these to the homeless or our favorite mail carriers. My favorite's name is Sam. He comes by at least twice a day--says he likes my wool, but that's another story.

You see, man name of cordialboy runs this cult. I am not sure his intentions for us are honorable. From time to time he is nasty. Is that right for a cult leader? My understanding in pledging to the cult was that everyone would wear a mask at all times and pretend to be quite cordial (hence our leader's name, cordialboy). But the mask has dropped and I've realized many of my cult mates, especially one responsible for dying the blue wool, can be quite witchy.

I am at a loss. The only solution I have--my only hope at this juncture for making it out of this cult, or for staying over the next 30-60 years, is if you Mr. Rambone, and You Mr. Smackdown, give me all of your money, now. I am happy to meet you anywhere. I am happy to bring wool for you. Our wool is extra virgin 200 percent, which means your father's dong schwing has never touched it. Does this mean anything to you? In the will he left, he said it would.

Blessings,
Sheepdye Girl

Dear Mr. Rambone,

It is solely in your honourable interest that we de-cloak our secret organization to send you this urgent missive:

It is essential that you contact us immediately at the following drop spot - bringing all your cash, credit cards and other valuables. We are the only ones that can save you - our SWAT team will meet you at the appointed place, take your money, and give you the secret handshake that will enable you to command all the sheep that possess the visage of your venerable father to leave their spirits at once and dive into the body of Trent Lott. If you do not do this, who knows where this conspiracy will lead?

Thanking you deeply - Obeisances and obsequies will obviate your certain ruin!

The Smackdown Lemming Friars inc.

Ontological Therapy song

(Let's sing together to the tune of a very popular xmas song)
On the 12th day of Xmas my True Love gave to me.
Bluetooth enabled
TCP/IP addressable
Infrared port discoverable
Ontological Neurolinguistic Purple P-Spot Plug Kit
with spare batteries

Bada Bing

Dr Oseke Umalagbaminakumma Evil Doings Found in Florida

Dear Mister Eminemenemenimaneminemenima
Obviously Sir, you are sincere in your attempt of receiving 47% of $487632.23 million that is due to me and my family. However I must say that if one of your neighbor's sheep has any resemblence to my late sheep-fucking father then I beg you to stay away Sir, since this that may possibly be one of the agents of NSFAA and an impostor, and an accomplice to Dr Oseke Umalagbaminakumma who wants to distroy our family. The impostor may have the likeness of our father for Dr Oseke has already employed the services of the finest plastic surgeons in Rwanda to thwart our honest attempts of recovering the money. So in the end I thank you and I say - sacrifice the fucker.

Dear Sir Eminemenemenimaneminemenima, I am very greatful at your honesty and sincere attempt to help. As a reward I implore you to please send me your bank account number and a secret pin so that I may deposit a thank you sum of money for you without delay.

Mr Rambone

Counter-offer

Hi Mr. Rambone,

I don't have a phone, but I do have a neighbor who has some sheep, one of whom looks a good deal like your paterfamilias of beloved memory. I will be honored to reunite you with him for a small percentage of the NSFAA's funds - say, 47%? This offer will only be open until 4 p.m., when the beast will be sacrificed to some squamous lokal deity. Certified check or AMEX only, thanks!

Eminemenemenimaneminemenima

Let Nigerian Games Begin

It is with truest trust and confidence that I make this strictly confidential urgent business proposal. I am an eldest son of a late Mr Rambone of Nigeria. My father was the best farmer and sheep fucker in the country. For that he was exiled and we forced to leave our land and move to Zimbabwe where they have plenty of sheep.

During his sheep-fucking Nigerian days and nights my father secured $487632.23 million dollars with a Nigerian Small Fucking Animals Association. Presently now we are not permitted to fuck sheep nor go to Nigeria to reclaim my father's money. For this reason I decided to seek for a trusted and reliable foreign personality, who is willing and ready to help me claim the money and transfer the money out of the country so we can buy more sheep. I am willing and ready to offer you 20% of this money for your efforts.

I would like my proposal to be kept confidential as regards to what I explained above and you can reach me urgently via mail. Please indicate your direct telephone when replying.

Reason#89276534789 why Blogging was Invented

Ann C. writes "Possible hints to indicate that I just might have a drinking problem"

Reason#47234518743 why Blogging was Invented

blogging our children into being at blogsprogs.blogspot.com

Racially Insensitive Chinese Joke

This from my polish friend Kasia in Warsaw (adapted to English for your astonishment and complete waste of time)

Scene: A Young Man sits next to a Old Woman on the bus line 146 in Warsaw.
Conversations begins:
Old Woman - Excuse me. You are Chinese, right?
Young Man - No, I am not Chinese
Old Woman - Really? I thought you were Chinese.
Young Man - No, I am not! I am Polish
Old Woman - Well, then your father was Chinese, right?
Young Man - No! My father was Polish.
Old Woman - Aha! Then you mother was Chinese then!
Young Man - No! My mother was Polish too.
Old Woman - Really? I thought you were Chinese
Young Man (frustrated. wants to end this stupid conversation with this stupid old woman says) - Yeah! I am Chinese!
Old Woman - You are? That's strange because you don't look Chinese to me.

Bada Bing

Grim Reaper visits RageBoy

Ay. Oy. Tom, Hi. We must revisit this. I think that recent events show us that there is more need for Hoover Rolling and Noise Generation. But first some jokes and then I have to go to Court to pay the ticket and avoid arrest with the Dallas Police Hoover Unrolling Corporation.

So. A joke is this: Grim Reaper visits RageBoy

Middle of the night in Boulder.
Loud knocking on the front door.
A 55 year old caucasian man smoking a cigarette opens the door -
looks around.... and
On the welcome mat there stands a Grim Reaper
- but about 6 inches tall only.
- RageBoy can't believe his eyes. What the fuck?! he says
- Death looks up at him and says -
'I am a Grim Reaper from Little Creatures Division but don't you worry
I came for your hampster'.

Bada Bing

Light fantastic

Hey Marek - I'm just wondering whether the opposite of a monster that can only speak and not hear is something akin to what Lessig and others call the neutral network. It so gets out of the way that everything is audible, from any end to any end. Not to reduce what you are saying to that. I think it's richer than that, but it might encompass that. Eh?

Put Your Lights ON.

YES! YOUR LIGHTS ON. "You better put your lights on. There is a monster living under my bed, Whispering in my ear"

Talked to Tom Matrullo for over two hours last night. He is an expectant father. I am so happy for him and all the fathers too. He then sent me something I wrote a while back on his comments page before stopping blogging. Before I went a little mad. He actually said that if I just deal with my psychosis in public (as in blog places rather than in my own bathroom) than we would be better off. (I think he ment 'we' as himself and others but not me). So let's resurect this piece I wrote while my psychosis was just getting a hold of me... cause I forgot to put my lights on.

Here is what I wrote to Tom (edited a bit)

MEDIA MONSTER
I examine my knee jerk reactions, you know those reactions you have that seem to take the immediate shape of face frowns, posture freeze or spasms of shoulders. Recently my knee jerk reactions are mostly 'numbness'.

I try to examine where my vitality went. I seem to be missing this part of me. Tom, I think mainly of your line 'media doesn't have ears' and I think of a Monster, a beast but maybe some kind of machine, humanlike perhaps. If Media is such a creature that doesn't have 'Ears' then not only can it no 'hear' what others want to express but it also is incapable of 'hearing' itself.

It appears the creature vomits noise continuously alas it can not hear itself so it must create more noise hoping to be able to hear itself ad infinitum. I wonder what it would be like to be a creature like that. Here I am with no 'Ears', no ability to 'hear' oneself I vomit noise in hopes of hearing my own self, (assuming that self in fact can express and be heard being expressed by self) and then numbness sets it since I can never hear myself.

What a hopeless life it would be to have no 'ears'. Are we in fact seeing such a creature today on TV, billboards, radio, magazines, newspapers. Is the creature then like me. A human being playing the part of the monster with no 'ears', not being able to 'hear' himself? Am I in fact producing noise here in this post in hopes of hearing my own voice? Do I have 'ears' to hear myself? My soul? does it in fact speak to me? Would my knee-jerk reactions of numbness my hopelessness of a creature who can not ever hear it's own voice?

put your lights on baby...
put your lights on.

Anybody seen Marek?

He said something about sending some new stuff this way...

Strangers In The Niiiiiiiight . . . . .

Hi Jeneane. Still love your stuff.

Hey Marek J, you still killing me man. If I were half as funny as you I'd be half as funny as something really funny. You Crazy Gonzo Motherfucker.

Sorry for the long silence. When people say "shit happens" they often fail to mention that it happens TO you, know what I mean?

Anyway, think of it this way: GM has kept Chris fed and watered for some considerable period of time.

That's no mean feat, is it?


"It can't just be intellectual"
Sexual, by ???

Gonzo Marketing for those who drive Blazers for 0% down

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Still listening

I'm still here (glad I put that RSS feed in to keep track of this one)

Great to see Chris (and the others) last week - if Halley or Denise has RB's handwritten off-the-cuff demolition of that sleazy COO from Harrah's (I looked in the dictionary under venal, and there was his mugshot) we should post it here!

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY EVERYONE LEFT WHO EVER READS AND WRITES HERE!

Hey brothers, hey sisters, happy birthday!! If anyone's left out there--anyone? anyone at all?--today I wish you and the Gonzo Engaged team blog a happy one year anniversary.

Yes, it's been quiet here lately, but all indicators point to a spike in postings soon------stay tuned to see what else our friend and favorite "nut marketer" Chris Locke has in store for us............................

[cliff hanger].

-jeneane

I thought we WERE all out?

Here's a reply I prepared earlier.

While I'm passing, I'd like to mention ProSUA - the Campaign to Promote Science and useful Arts The current campaign is to make all congressional and Senatorial candidates aware that we care about the copyright over-reach issues. Track down your candidates and ask them questions, then blog the results. It's that simple.

BlogTheVote2002USA

OUT!

Subject: I have visited your website gonzoengaged.blogspot.com

Dear Sir/Madam,

I have visited gonzoengaged.blogspot.com and found it is a thoughtfully-designed one with much helpful information but poorly listed in many search engines. It's time to do something. Find a most effective way of advertising, find FULLPROMOTE! Best Service, lowestcost! Fullpromote will instantly submit your website to all the famous searching engines around the world.

I didn't know this was my website. Everybody out!

Gonzo or Bozo?

Ericsson's pushing it a bit
In one initiative, dubbed Fake Tourist, 60 trained actors and actresses will haunt tourist attractions such as the Empire State Building in New York and the Space Needle in Seattle. Working in teams of two or three and behaving as if they were actual tourists, the actors and actresses will ask unsuspecting passersby to take their pictures.
Presto: instant product demonstrations.

Today I am Celebrating the Poets Amongus...

Martin Jensen posted this poem earlier this year. Somehow it rang true and it rang Gonzo marketing chimes.

Through a fish, darkly

I read some of it via Babelfish and it looks interesting.

I think there is some commonality with my mediAgora ideas. here's my new short summary:

mediAgora defines rules for a market in digital media so Creators get credited and paid for their work, and Customers choose to pay a fair price.

Why is this needed? Because the media marketplace is riven by conflict between companies that profit from scarcity of physical goods and access, and those who assume that because works are easy to copy they need not be paid for. In either case, the creators lose out.

mediAgora is GPL-like, as a work sold through it can be incorporated in other works under the same terms - if you use my music as a background to your video, your customers should pay me the price I set for that music, as well as paying you your price for the video. This avoids the endless rights haggling that hinders so many productions.

mediAgora rewards you when you promote a work in a way that leads to a sale. Share new music or movies with your friends, and when they buy their copies, you get a cut. Creators don't see their royalties disappear in unaudited promotion fees - payment is strictly by results.

We all create - free speech and a free market can get us paid.

Metáfora

Metáfora is a brazilian project. It´s very intersting to realize how easy is the conversation in our markets. As Tom Matrullo said once the gigantus homos analiticus have a suspicious mind. I do believe that countries like Brazil, India and... Italy(?) have a diferencial for new markets approaches.

An Open Source Project

Let me introduce the Metáfora Project. It´s a kind of open researching and developing of ideas based on the open source initiative ans free software movement. But instead to aplly it to software we are working to catalize the conversation in markets. Using the colective intelligence and copyleft concepts to the intelectual production.

The Metáfora site uses the wiki interface in order to to ensure to all its members the ability to add new ideas and projects to add news ideas and projects. We have already about 55 members (and growing speedy) and several new projects (including the Daniel Pádua´s Blogchalking). I really think it´s going to succed as an engaged pro active community case. BTW... it´s written in portuguese... no translation till now

Marketing a market

I know everyone is citing Janis Ian on the Internet debacle but check out the rest of her articles - talk about voice!

She explains far better than I ever could why we need to make something like I propose at mediAgora

Locke on Gonzo

Mother gonzo is running off to a parent-teacher conference, but not before I point you to George Partington's great interview with Chris Locke on Gonzo Marketing. I like the part where Chris slams his ankle into his desk. Okay, I haven't read the whole thing, but that struck me as a genuinely human moment from a genuinely human guy. I'm sure there are more gems just like that. Read on... gonzo on...

Honesty needed for business

George Trefgarne, city edito ro the Daily Telegraph says that post-Enron, INtegrity is demanded more then ever before:
In the Noughties, many people suspect those in power tell porkies. Teenagers are especially cynical. You might think it rich coming from a generation that is itself pretty untrustworthy, stealing mobile phones etc, but according to a new survey in the latest issue of The Face magazine, around 80 per cent of 16- to 29-year-olds reckon you can't believe corporations or the media.

Such sentiments are not confined to yoof. The Daily Telegraph's poll by YouGov last week found more than half of all voters don't trust the Government.

You could be forgiven for thinking the world is run by gangsters. Well, would that it was, some might say. At least they have standards, which is more than can be said for an executive selling shares in his company even as he knows the whole thing is about to go down the pan; or a dodgy accountant; or a spin doctor trying to stitch up Black Rod; or advertisers making wildly exaggerated claims; or the ex-directors of Equitable Life, who disgracefully tried to wriggle out of a promise of guaranteed annuities.
[...]
But government failure is as much to blame as market failure for this phenomenon. Leaving aside the issue of spin, our poor education system is not much help in the development of "social capital" - the human values and skills on which a market-oriented economy rests.

But, generally speaking, the last thing we want is the Government sticking its nose in and interfering. Far better for individuals to take responsibility for their own conduct and dust down the values on which the market is, once again, putting a premium: honesty, self-restraint and personal integrity.

Is your word really your bond? It had better be.

A call for Gonzo Authenticity?

Young Grrrl Reveals All...

The Andrea James interview is available for your edification and delight. Come on by. Also, a little memic propagation wouldn't hurt if you find that you've enjoyed the interview.
-fp-