Certificate of Upgrade
is awarded to
In recognition of your obnoxious attitude, ability to piss people off, complete asinine juvenile behavior and total dedication to personal gain without regard to the many hardships you have forced upon friends, family and other during your lifetime, you have become a legend in your own mind.
To recognize your upgrade from half-assed to complete asshole, gives all concerned great satisfaction. If anyone, for any reason, doubts your status,
JUST BE YOURSELF!
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Effective Date Signed