Dear Mr. Rambone,
It is solely in your honourable interest that we de-cloak our secret organization to send you this urgent missive:
It is essential that you contact us immediately at the following drop spot - bringing all your cash, credit cards and other valuables. We are the only ones that can save you - our SWAT team will meet you at the appointed place, take your money, and give you the secret handshake that will enable you to command all the sheep that possess the visage of your venerable father to leave their spirits at once and dive into the body of Trent Lott. If you do not do this, who knows where this conspiracy will lead?
Thanking you deeply - Obeisances and obsequies will obviate your certain ruin!
The Smackdown Lemming Friars inc.