Friday, April 04, 2003

Project Dell'Essum (aka iBook'Essum)

We have raised 456 gazillion Dollars which is about $200. Keep'em coming.

Breaking News:
Marek J fired today for suggesting to a management team a new NoFuckingWayTM project methodology of finding solutions to impossible objectives. Project Dell'Essum started.

Summary of Methodology
NoFuckingWayTM methodology consists of a furious screeming employing full blown lung capacity and well rehearsed phrases one learned by watching mafia shows starring Joe Pesci, phrases like "They Fuck You In The Drive Through!!!" followed by a screem of victory one learned watching Die Hard - "Yupi Kay Ey Motherfucker!!!!!" After acknowleding one's complete frustration at ever getting what one really wants one has a complete sense of hopelessness and at the same time a sense of anything being possible, hence the cry of victory being born in one's lungs, Yupi Kay Ey, Yupi Key Ey. At this point our famous NoFuckingWayTM project methodology can begin to take hold. It is a victory born from defeat.

Project Dell'Essum
Jeneane Sessum, our beloved blog sister is in need of a brand new Dell Laptop or iBook. In the spirit of Worst PracticesTM I am beginning a project testing the worthiness of my NoFuckingWayTM methodology by giving birth to Project Dell'Essum. (Aha, explanation in order: Dell'Essum (aka iBook'Essum), for those of you with higher education is made up of words Dell and Sessum etc.. Get it? Good)
The Objective is to raise $2000 American Dollars in the next 48 hours. Everybody should gladly donate the money while screeming NoFuckingWayTM. It is the only way to test the wortiness of my new methodology. If you employe the phrase then your donation will be that much more meaningful (well, not really but why not lie to yourself that you are doing a good thing). However if you decide not to donate at least a $1 then you are not allowed to say NoFuckingWayTM, this project is not for you and don't ask me to speak at your next management meeting on effective measures of effectivness of project management.
Jeneane Sessum needs a brand spanking new laptop so she can write and get new clients and hire us to build the next Media Empire (I mean, you do want bloggers to be in charge of Media, right? Well, cough up the money)

Take Action:
Click the Donate Button below. It goes directly to Jeneane's Paypal Account. If you want to pay other ways then email me and we'll arrange that.

We'll run a list of donors on this post and hold off any posts on this site for the next 48 hours untill we reach our NoFuckingWayTM objective.

Donors to Project Dell'Essum
2 anonymous donors
Tom Matrullo - 7 zejiion and 5 bambulbion Dollars
Laurie Schuh - 23 grazillion Dollars.
Kevin Marks - 15% discount on the purchase of a Mac and 3 jijilion Dollars spare change
RageBoy - 5 gazillion Dollars
Chris Pirillo is working on something
Marek J - 10 grambillion Dollars "I am proud to screem NoFuckingWayTM while clicking the donate button."

Thursday, April 03, 2003

My Weblog Marketing first week

It was a great last 4 days doing the Weblog Marketing. I have received many emails from all of you guys. Thanks for the support. There are some exciting things in the pipeline. I am working on designing a way to collect points for writing some favorable posts about our products. Thanks. This is great. I am working with some good people. I thought this was going to be like selling my soul to the corporation but there are some great people there and we are moving forward. The management is very excited about weblogs. Finally this weblogging is paying off. I will let you know more soon.

Tuesday, April 01, 2003

Marek J gets a new job in Weblog Marketing

Well, I guess I should not keep quiet any more. I have been hired by the Doctor Pepper to assist the guys at ragingcow in marketing their new drink. What can I say, I got a good offer. We were negotiating for the last 3 weeks and I started yesterday. After the first day I am very excited about introducing them to Gonzo Marketing and using Weblogs to create viral marketing campaing for products in the pipeline. When it came to detailed negotiantions I was warned not to use obscene words so I guess I will not be writing on this weblog any more. What was interesting is that they didn't mind my scatological language in my previous posts but in this new capacitiy as the Assistant Director of Mareketing it would not be advisable to continue with those unpleasant ramblings. This job is a dream come true and I would not want to jeopardize my career with them. All the best to you all. I will keep in touch. I wanted to write a longer post but this is what came out and I got to go to my next meeting.

Yours Marek J
The Last BadaBing to you all.
Ha Ha.

Monday, March 31, 2003

94,608,000 seconds ago

987,000,000,000 years ago associate force organizer and then acting inspector number 811,307 of the Orvonton series, traveling out from Uversa, reported to the Ancients of Days that space conditions were favorable for the initiation of materialization phenomena in a certain sector of the, then, easterly segment of Orvonton.

900,000,000,000 years ago the Uversa archives testify, there was recorded a permit issued by the Uversa Council of Equilibrium to the superuniverse government authorizing the dispatch of a force organizer and staff to the region previously designated by inspector number 811,307

94,608,000 seconds ago I met Rageboy and I've been fucked up ever since.

Bada Fucking Urantia Bing to all of you motherfuckers.